Unthinkable (I'm Ready)
by jennybenny2845
Summary: Severus survives the final battle against his will and develops feelings for his captor. An unexpected confession provides a chance for happiness. Can he admit his feelings or is he destined to remain alone and loveless?


A/N: Challenges prompts at the bottom.

* * *

 **Unthinkable (I'm Ready)**

* * *

"When are you going to realise that he doesn't love you?"

The words, spoken more in admonishment than in query, crept into Severus's room, awakening him from his tortured sleep. He attempted to sit up, pressing his back against the wooden headboard. His eyes watered as waves of pain rushed down his spine. _Will I ever wake up pain-free?_ The bite wounds would heal in time, but would the wounds inflicted on his fragile soul fade?

Severus ruminated on the question, focusing on the words 'he' and 'love'. The 'he' must refer to him. Her husband and son-in-law died during the War. Her grandson had to love her for all infants do before they know better. He's the 'he'. That much is clear.

Had Andromeda grown to love him? In the past year, he'd done all he could to push her away. Severus had offered to leave once his wounds had healed. She had argued that he should stay until he'd fully recovered. She wouldn't let him go, and nothing he said mattered.

And so, he lay trapped in her sitting room, which she'd converted to a bedroom for his recovery. Pictures of Andromeda and her family during happier times hung on the walls, further solidifying his guilt. Why had _he_ survived when countless people, far better than him, died? He grappled with that question, trying to piece together her weak reasoning.

xxx

 _"You were dying, Severus," she'd stressed once he'd worked up the nerve to ask. "I couldn't ignore that."_

 _"Why didn't you find someone else to help me?"_

 _"There wasn't anyone else who could help," she'd reminded him. "Must we discuss this again?" she questioned, crossing her arms over her chest._

 _"I will ask you every day until I understand exactly why you did what you did," he fired back._

 _"Fine, but my answer won't change, and I don't regret what I did. For all we know, Dora was already dead before I found you."_

 _He opened his mouth, another retort on the tip of his tongue, but closed it, knowing she'd made a fair point._

 _"If your husband had been bleeding out on the floor next to me, you would have saved him, right?"_

 _Andromeda nodded. "I would have let you die without a second thought."_

 _"Pity Ted wasn't there," Severus drawled, waving a dismissive hand at her._

xxx

"Excuse me?" Andromeda questioned, refusing to answer Narcissa's question.

"I've seen how you look at him, Andi!" cried Narcissa. "You love him. Don't deny it."

Severus smirked, picturing the look of indignation on Narcissa's face. _And rightfully so_ , he decided, interlocking his fingers and resting them on his stomach. Much to his irritation, Andromeda's reply interested him, and he did not understand why it mattered.

The sisters were silent for several minutes, the tension between them palpable. The sounds of breakfast preparations, a fry-up sizzling on the stovetop, drifted into Severus's bedroom.

"Why do you care?"

"Send him away," recommended Narcissa. "You don't want any trouble with the Ministry if they find out you've been harbouring him."

"He's not a criminal. The Wizengamot pardoned him," dismissed Andromeda.

"Yes, he is!" argued Narcissa. "You can believe that he did what he did for love, but he still tortured and killed innocent people!"

"Your husband did the same. You don't seem remorseful about that."

"This isn't about Lucius," snarled Narcissa. "Severus is taking advantage of you."

"How so?"

"He's abusing your generosity. Don't you ever regret saving him?"

xxx

 _I'm not the only one questioning Andromeda's decision._ Severus shook his head, forcing memories from that day from his mind. He still felt her slender fingers pressed against his neck. He heard her rifling through his pockets for something to stop the bleeding.

 _"Leave me. Find your daughter," he'd urged._

 _"I have to help you." She extended her hand to him, her fingers curled around his bezoar. He batted her hand away, but she persisted. She moved her fingers from his neck, digging them into his jaw to open his mouth. He clenched his jaw, pushing through the pain as he attempted to turn his head away._

 _"No!" he snapped, giving her enough of an opening to shove the bezoar down his throat._

 _"Stay with me," she encouraged as she Apparated them to her cottage._

Looking back at it, he gave her credit for not Splinching him upon their arrival.

xxx

"I don't regret it. Can we drop this and enjoy our breakfast?" answered Andromeda.

"Fine, but this isn't over."

"Let me bring him breakfast. I'll be back."

Severus slid down the bed, pulling the blankets up to his chin. He shut his eyes, feigning sleep.

Andromeda entered his room; her head held high. She set down the tray table on the nightstand and strode to the window. She opened the curtains, letting sunlight into the bedroom.

"Must you do that?" complained Severus, raising a hand to his face to block the harsh light.

"Good morning to you too," greeted Andromeda, opening the window. A gentle spring breeze and the sweet fragrance of her freesias filled the room. Severus lifted his napkin to his nose, breathing in the clean linen scent.

Andromeda ignored his discomfort, having grown accustomed to the caustic words and contemptuous glares he flung at her when she was in his presence. She set the tray table across his lap, careful not to spill his coffee. She stepped away from the bed and picked up the clothes and newspapers strewn across the floor.

"Sources claim to have seen a large bat flying from the Shrieking Shack around the time You-Know-Who murdered Severus Snape," Severus read from the _Daily Prophet_. He shook his head, sighing in dismay. The paper's stories had grown more ludicrous.

"I wonder where they got that idea," teased Andromeda, surveying Severus, clad in black pyjamas with an even darker expression on his face. She bit her lip, stifling her laughter as she imagined a set of wings attached to his back.

"A group of volunteers, eager to bring You-Know-Who's right-hand man to justice have organized monthly excursions to the nation's bat caves in search of the elusive man. Interested persons should contact the Department of Magical Law Enforcement for more information. We note that Harry Potter, saviour of the Wizarding World, does not support these efforts and insists that the death of Severus Snape is a closed case, despite never recovering a body."

"Don't believe everything you read," Andromeda suggested, shrugging her slim shoulders at him. "After breakfast, we'll take a turn around the garden."

xxx

Severus picked at his morning meal, his appetite ruined by Narcissa's accusation, which lingered in his mind. Why did he care if Andromeda loved him? Severus pitied her if she'd been foolish enough to fall in love with him. He wasn't a man worth loving.

No one in his life loved him. His parents hardly cared for him. His mother had focused too much on appeasing his drunken and violent father, turning a blind eye when her husband's abuse turned toward their son.

He'd had the misfortune of loving Lily, and he'd vowed never to love again. The heartbreak of losing her to James had stung, but nothing hurt more than the pain he'd experienced once he'd lost her forever.

Severus had closed off his heart to love, building a protective cage around the broken pieces, convinced that no one and no amount of time could help him heal.

He'd been content to live a loveless life until Andromeda forced herself into it.

xxx

Severus resented Andromeda at first, cursing her for saving him.

 _"What gave you the right to decide if I lived or died? I wanted to die, and you took that away from me!" Severus had knocked the tray of food she'd brought him out of her hands, satisfied with the sound of china hitting the floor._

 _Andromeda had glared back at him; her mouth pressed into a thin line._

 _Enraged at the pity shining in her eyes, Severus grabbed her wrist. "Kill me," he commanded._

 _She refused, struggling against him as his fingers dug into her wrist._

 _"Why not? Severus growled._

 _"You, out of anyone, deserve to live."_

 _Severus's eyes widened, and his grip loosened. Andromeda exited the room without another word._

Unlike anyone in his life, Andromeda had run headfirst into the storm, weathering his constant mood swings and insults with grace and dignity. She hadn't raised her voice or hand at him.

In time, his inability to provoke her took the fight out of him. They developed a friendship, and he followed her suggestions without questioning her motivations.

xxx

 _"Why aren't you afraid of me?" Severus had studied Andromeda as she sat at the foot of his bed, her head bent over the chessboard as she plotted her next move. She'd gifted the board game to him a few months into his recovery, suggesting he keep his wits up while he remained abed. She played with him, despite her poor playing ability._

 _"I used to care what you thought, and I used to care that you might try to hurt me." Andromeda toyed with her knight, picking him up before setting him down again._

 _"What changed?" Severus inquired; pleased that she did not make a move she would have in the past._

 _"Your bark's worse than your bite."_

 _"Arrogant much?" Severus remarked, a small smile forming on his face._

 _"I'm a Black, in case you've forgotten," Andromeda quipped, smiling back at him. "Checkmate," she announced, moving her rook in front of his king._

 _"Touché." Severus drummed his fingers against his thigh, pondering his next move._

xxx

 _"Will you look at something for me?" she'd greeted one morning._

 _"What is it?" Severus had groaned, wishing she'd let him sleep. He'd sleep all day, but she deterred him, waking him at early hours._

 _She stepped forward and set down a cauldron. "I may have mucked it up…"_

 _"What is this?" Severus chided, holding up the stirring stick. He scoffed, his dark eyes twinkling in amusement as he watched the thick purple sludge drip back into the cauldron. "Even my stupidest Second Year made this better than you."_

 _"What can I say? Potions was never my strong suit."_

 _"How much Flobberworm Mucus did you put into this?"_

 _"Four blobs."_

 _"You should only have added two. Bring your materials here and brew it for me."_

 _Severus guided Andromeda through the recipe, pleased when she followed his instructions. He noticed her beauty, admiring her steady hands and slim fingers as she crushed and chopped the ingredients._

 _"Here you go." Andromeda dropped the vial into Severus's hand, her fingers brushing against his palm._

 _He turned the vial over and over long after she left, admiring the potion's perfect consistency. He was impressed that she sensed what he needed._

xxx

 _"You can do it!" Andromeda had called from the dining set. Severus plodded toward her, frustration colouring his pale cheeks as he steadied himself against his cane._

 _Limping, he had stopped several feet short and threw the cane on the ground. "I can't!" he called, the wind whipping through the thin fabric of his jacket. "It's too bloody cold!"_

 _"Yes, you can! Before dusk, please."_

 _Severus's knees trembled as he lowered himself to the ground; hand shaking as he wrapped his fingers around the cane._

 _"Come forward one step at a time."_

 _After several tense minutes, filled with encouragement from Andromeda and curses from Severus, he reached Andromeda. He flung himself into the wicker seat, his brow drenched with sweat._

 _"Good job. I knew you could do it," Andromeda congratulated him, wiping his forehead. "I'll move it back tomorrow."_

 _Severus ground his jaw, accepting the glass of water she offered him, thankful that she had the sense to cast a heating charm over him once he arrived._

Severus would never admit it, but he looked forward to those excursions with Andromeda. He appreciated how she challenged him, moving the dining set further and further back until it sat at the edge of her garden, the ultimate test for him to overcome.

xxx

 _"Can I see it?" Andromeda had asked one evening as they sat on a bench in her garden, watching the sunset._

 _Severus had quirked an eyebrow at her; but complied, rolling up his sleeve to expose his Dark Mark. He rested his forearm against her thigh, ignoring the heat radiating off it._

 _Without warning, she placed her fingertips on his forearm, tracing the tattoo. Severus flinched but stayed still. Goosebumps appeared on his skin, and he became overheated under her touch._

 _"I'm sorry," she whispered._

 _Severus tore his eyes from his tattoo and stared at her, startled to see tears in her eyes._

 _"What for?" he retorted, his tone coming off harsher than usual. "I chose this. Do not pity me. I won't have it."_

 _"You shouldn't have had to choose it," she asserted._

 _Severus shrugged. "It is what it is."_

 _Andromeda sighed, having spent enough time with Severus to know when to stay quiet and when to argue with him. She leaned against his shoulder, continuing to trace his Dark Mark._

 _Her reaction stunned Severus, but he didn't have the heart to pull away. Her soothing touch had comforted him, and he'd leaned against her, enjoying the warmth of her body._

At that moment, Severus had realised that his feelings toward Andromeda had shifted, and he wasn't sure how to classify or handle them. He didn't love her, but he'd grown fond of her. He looked forward to their daily interactions.

xxx

Severus wiped his face with his hand and groaned. Unbeknownst to him, Andromeda had chipped away at his defences, peeling back his layers to uncover his soul. She now sat in front of his cage, the key to his damaged heart in her hands.

The temptation to welcome her in overwhelmed him. The potential for love and to be loved made his broken heart swell, pushing the pieces together at the thought of happiness in her embrace.

Ever rational, he pushed the temptation aside, his failed attempts at love replaying in his mind.

"So what if I do?" Andromeda answered as Narcissa prepared to depart.

"You can't be serious, Andi. He doesn't care."

Severus swallowed the large lump that had formed in his throat. His heart rate doubled, and he felt sick.

"It doesn't change how I feel. It doesn't matter anyway."

"What do you mean?"

The sisters' voices dropped to whispers, preventing him from hearing any more of the conversation.

"See you next week, Cissa," Andromeda called, shutting the front door.

xxx

Andromeda stepped into Severus's room and set his near-full breakfast tray on the nightstand. He extended a hand, requesting help out of bed, but she stepped back. Severus grumbled, forcing himself upright. He changed into a jumper and trousers, noticing that Andromeda had turned away. He tried to make eye contact as he stepped into his shoes, but she refused to look at him.

She turned, stepping out into the garden with Severus behind her, puzzled by her change in behaviour. They moved toward the dining set in silence. He tried to brace himself against her as he'd done in the past, but every time he'd come close, she'd move away.

A tension brewed between them. The silence threatened to consume Severus. He wanted to ask Andromeda what didn't matter, but he didn't want to reveal that he'd overheard her conversation with Narcissa.

"I have some good news." Andromeda reached across the table and placed her hand on his. Welcoming the contact, he turned his hand up and pressed his palm against hers. Her eyes focused on a spot behind his shoulder. "According to the Healers, you've fully recovered. They'd like to come by next week for a final checkup, but you can forgo that and leave earlier."

These were the words he'd wished to hear every day for the past year, yet he felt saddened by them.

"Say something, Severus." Andromeda's hand trembled as she ran it through her untamed curls. She focused her gaze on him and gnawed on her bottom lip.

 _What do you want me to say? What doesn't matter?_ "I'll have the final checkup and leave in a week."

Andromeda nodded, excusing herself moments later. Severus sat in her garden for hours, replaying their interaction. The temptation to stay filled his heart, but he shoved the feelings aside. _She doesn't love me._

xxx

That evening, Severus awoke to the sounds of sobbing coming from the kitchen. He exited his room, rounding the corner to investigate the noise.

Andromeda sat at the kitchen table, crying into the fur of the black and white stray cat she'd taken in around the time Severus moved into her home. Severus wasn't fond of the cat, which only endeared him to the cat even more. Much to his displeasure, the cat spent the nights curled up against him.

"I don't know why I even love him, Shadow," confessed Andromeda, stroking Shadow's fur. "He frustrates me. He's a difficult man. I should forget about him, but I can't push him out of my mind and heart."

Severus's heart clenched. He did not realise he had this effect on her.

"I could make him happy, but he won't let me. Narcissa's right. He doesn't care, and I'm foolish to think otherwise."

Severus stepped forward, tempted to comfort her, but turned away. _She's right. I don't love her, and I have nothing to offer her._

xxx

 _"You're in love with Andromeda now?" taunted Lily, her green eyes flaring with anger. "What about me? I thought you'd always love me, Severus."_

 _"You never loved me, Lily. Andromeda does."_

 _"She thinks she loves you, but she's mistaken. She'll come to the same conclusion everyone else did. You're not worthy of love."_

 _"I am."_

 _"Don't kid yourself, Severus," Lily spat. "You're a pathetic, good for nothing man who should have died on the floor of the Shrieking Shack."_

 _Severus heard the Dark Lord's voice, commanding Nagini to attack him. Lily transformed into Nagini and lunged at him._

 _"No!" screamed Severus as she dug her teeth into his neck._

"Calm down, Severus. It was just a dream," Andromeda murmured. "You're safe."

Severus opened his eyes and found Andromeda pressed against him.

"Inhale," she comforted, rubbing his back. "Exhale."

Severus complied, focusing on Andromeda's soothing voice, the memories of his nightmare fading away. Andromeda made to leave once his breathing stabilised.

"Stay," he begged, tightening his arms around Andromeda's waist.

xxx

"Tomorrow, you're a free man. Is there anything you'd like to do? Anywhere you'd like to visit?" Andromeda wondered as they settled into their final dinner out in the garden a week later.

 _I'd like to stay with you. You've tempted me with your kindness, your generosity, and your friendship. You've convinced me that I can love again. I think I love you, and that terrifies me._

"I've always wanted to go to Italy," he admitted.

"Do it," she advised. "Have fun."

"I'm not sure I know what fun means."

"You're an intelligent man," she reminded him. "You'll figure it out."

"Ready?" she asked later that evening.

Severus nodded, not trusting himself to say anything else.

"Goodbye and good luck." Andromeda stood up on her tiptoes, wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face into his shoulder.

"Goodbye," Severus breathed, inhaling the fresh scent of her light brown hair one last time.

He stepped onto her front doorstep, wiping at his eyes. He raised his fist, inching it closer toward the door. He hoped she'd open the door and ask him to stay. He waited several minutes before he lowered his fist and Apparated into the night.

xxx

Severus did as Andromeda had asked. He'd spent the past year travelling the world and made his way to Italy. He purchased a small vineyard and set up a winery, thankful his brewing skills had parlayed into winemaking.

He enjoyed his life, but it lacked someone. Severus took a fortifying sip of wine, recalling her garden. He walked around the house and knocked on her door.

"What are you doing here, Severus?" Andromeda asked, fighting the urge to fling herself into his arms. "Is everything okay?"

"No," Severus began, digging deep to find his courage. "I had an epiphany while I was away. Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir. Open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us. Passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have?"

"I'm not sure I follow," Andromeda replied, furrowing her brow at him.

"You're my passion, Andromeda. You've awoken feelings in me I'd suppressed. I overheard you confess your love for me to Narcissa, even if you didn't admit it outright."

"You did?"

Severus nodded. "I love you, and I'm sorry. I should have admitted it then, but being around you makes me delirious. I hardly know what I feel, let alone what to say. A year's passed, so I understand if you no longer feel the same."

"I never stopped loving you," Andromeda breathed, tears trickling down her face.

Severus closed the distance between them, wiping her face with the pads of his thumbs. He lifted her chin, lowering his head toward hers. Andromeda stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his. He surrendered to her kiss, trying to convey what his words couldn't express.

"Stay with me?" she whispered against Severus's lips once they pulled apart.

"Always."

* * *

Word Count: 3584. Written for Hogwarts Assignment #6 – Media Studies Task #1 – Write about giving in to temptation.

Also Written for Creativity Month - Andromeda Tonks/Severus Snape. Mid Level Angsty Dialogue, #1. "When are you going to realise that he doesn't love you?"

Submitted for Hogwarts Writing Club:

-Book Club. Miles Richter: (object) jacket, (trait) intelligent, (creature) cat, (action) limping, (word) arrogant, (dialogue) "I used to care what you thought, and I used to care that you might try to hurt me."

-Showtime. #2 Funny Honey – (dialogue) "He doesn't care."

-Days of the Month – True Confessions day – Write about someone confessing something.

-Buttons. O5. Cage, D2. "Don't believe everything you read." and W4. encouragement.

-A Year in Entertainment. Movie: Jumanji – (object) board game.

-TV Show of the Month. Angel: (character) Severus Snape, (item) coffee, (dialogue) "Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir. Open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us. Passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have?"

-Liza's Loves #15 Stoneheart (origin episode 1) – Write about someone scared to admit their feelings.

-Sophie's Shelf #7 fragrance, edge, inhale, swell, delicious, untamed

Also submitted for:

-The Insane House Challenge #390 Word – Epiphany (A sudden revelation)

-365 Prompt Challenge #107 Dialogue - "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

-Resolutions Challenge: #4 8/50 stories written in 2018, #35 Pick a character that dies and give them a happy ending instead.

-March Event – Caffeine Awareness Challenge #20 Galao - Write about finding a passion.

Also submitted for the Conversation Starter Prompt Challenge on the HPFC. #6 Use a song as inspiration for your story. "Nobody's Supposed To Be Here" by Deborah Cox, "Fall For You" by Leela James, and "Un-Thinkable (I'm Ready)" by Alicia Keys inspired me to write this. The lyrics are on point.


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